Science fiction. Love and defection

 

Science fiction. Love and defection

“Terrible, really very terrible! You have caused me a lot of pain ever since you realised that he is alive. 

Haven't you? 

You often very decently deny this whenever I ask you, but your mumbling words always suggest your affection and your deep feelings towards him. And here I am, living with you now for almost 7 years and hoping that someday you would love me as much as you loved the man who was assumed dead.

Now, suddenly he has risen from the sleeping memories, from the graveyard of the past, that appears to claim him in the present. It surely is your joy and that undoubtedly is the reason for my hopes to die with your every look of indifference and your cold heartedness. 

Yet, I do not know why, I want to believe that you would love me someday, the way you love him. 

Someday I hope you will!”

His pain was spilling through all his words, his desperation to seek from me what I always was desperately seeking from the man who disappeared, and then died suddenly. And since then I have hated anything and everything that happens suddenly. 

But you cannot wrestle with destiny. Because wrestling with destiny is like a dead body wishing to be offered a decent burial without the undertaker. Now that is impossible. And I too was hoping for the impossible, when suddenly, I met Zack and I suddenly fell in love. 

At least that is how I felt then. At that moment.

Then suddenly we got married, and suddenly I realised I missed him. Yes, the one who vanished suddenly and then died suddenly as well.

And today when Zack said these words, I suddenly felt I have been vicious towards him and he has suffered immensely due to my indifference towards him. An indifference that is not a wilful output of my mind, but a consequence of the battle between my heart and my mind, where the heart always appears to win.

Although Zack is a charming and very sensitive person, any woman would consider herself to be lucky to have a companion like him. But, there is another aspect to the reality of true love. Once you fall in love, your mind seems to remember the rhythm of heart beats it created when you truly fell in love. And that sensation lies with you forever. I think it even accompanies you in your grave. 

It has been so in my case too; and Zack has suffered only because he has been too decent and too patient.

But my poor heart somehow cannot compose any new rhythm of heart beats, it still loves the symphony that it experienced when I first fell in love with him, and that was not sudden.The feeling seeped into me gradually over the period of time. Although he had grabbed my attention the very first time I saw him.

However, after he vanished, and everyone said he must have died, everything in my life has been happening suddenly. The events unfold so suddenly that I feel I have become the dear-most darling of suddenness. 

And here I am dealing with the reproaching words of Zack, almost suddenly; and now I need to give him an answer. And when it comes to this, I will try my best not to be sudden, because then I might become the only person living on our planet, who invented a tragedy and then cast herself into it too suddenly.

My struggle though has always been my inability to deal with something that has to do with the person I loved very deeply and then he vanished. I waited for him patiently, but then everyone made me believe he was dead. During this sad phase of my life I met Zack, and he has been extremely patient with me. And due to this quality of his, I owe him a lot. He made me dream again, hope again and most important of all, he made me believe that I can live again, if not love the same way again or feel loved the same way again.

But in the 2nd year of my marriage with Zack, I began missing him again. And ever since then I have failed to convince myself about this simple fact of life. Anybody’s life for that matter.

“The patience of the dead in their graves, is of no virtue at all. It is the patience of those living in the world and around you that matters the most.”

Alas! My mind insists on this fact that it realises in its completeness, but my heart is unwilling to comply. Very unwilling to love someone else. Someone who is not like him, the one whom I loved and he suddenly disappeared.

So, you can say I have been cruel to Zack and I am a very self centred person. Maybe I am, maybe we all are so sometimes. Because we all encounter moments in our lives, where we have to deal with situations and emotions very suddenly. So suddenly, that we accept reality in its native makeup, without letting our minds deal with it, and without dedicating a few heart beats to it. And when something happens with such suddenness,  then you are left at the mercy of destiny and it controls you completely.

Maybe it was so with me too. Maybe it was so with him too. And maybe I will never know. 

Here is something that might interest you. The man I loved, his name was Azmal and he worked for the super-gild that manages our planet. Which lies in the 3rd verse of the universe.

He was a very dynamic person and he would do things with a proactiveness that impressed everyone, and his promptness was matchless. He knew every space and every star of the verse. So, often he would be sent on missions to discover new star systems where the super-gild could invest.

I think it was Saturday morning on our planet, and the year was 2075, and the month was January. It was very hot, and I had just left my bed and I was getting ready to leave for my office. I got into my car. I drove it slowly to join the other cars on the highway. After a minute I merged with the main highway and drove towards my office as fast as I could.

I too worked for super-gild and I had seen him at the office. He was somebody you could not ignore. I believe few people are born with this quality, you cannot ignore them. They seem to grab your attention. And I felt this whenever I crossed him at the office.

On this Saturday I parked my car and began walking towards my cabin. Everything was like just any other day. I got busy with my work and as was my habit I first began clearing my backlog. This took me till afternoon.

Then I went out to eat a sandwich and returned to my desk.

He used to work with the main members of the super-gild. They all liked him and they admired him for his energy and his ability to deliver on their expectations. And finding a professional who is self motivated is rare. And he certainly was one of these rare professionals.

On this day, we were supposed to take a major decision on a star system that had been located by our chief space explorers. My department specialised in analysing the star systems and identifying planets and other celestial bodies where our super-gild could invest. But it was Azmal’s department that took the final call. And the main members of the super-gild could either accept it or decline it, only they had the authority to challenge Azmal’s decision- In most cases, if Azmal approved it there were only 5% chances that it would get disapproved.

I had noticed that whenever I identified planets and other cosmic bodies with the potential for generating profit for the super-gild. He almost, always agreed. And I was sure he would agree this time too.

I went to the board room, we all gathered there and at 05:00 pm the meeting commenced. I put forward my observations, and according to my analysis the star system offered tremendous potential. And if our super-gild invested in it, it would easily generate 1000 times more in returns.

So I thought based on my analysis of the new star system identified by our teams.

Azmal was focused on observing one of the major reports that I had prepared and on the basis of this report I had concluded that the star system was a viable business prospect for the super-gild. And everyone in the boardroom agreed with me. Now we all waited for Azmal to speak in favour of the decision. I was confident he would say yes!

I closed the screen.

“Wait, please wait there. Not yet, not yet. Let me go through a few details please.”

Everyone looked at him keenly, and for a while I too glanced at him. Until after a few moments I realised only I could re-launch the screen since I was managing it from my thinking interface.

( By the way, on our planet in 2075, we had moved away from data processing units/machines, and replaced them with thinking interfaces where no machine was required. It was a high tech computer with tremendous processing capabilities. Anyway let us leave that for now….)

I relaunched the screen.

He looked at it very keenly. He had this special ability. It was like a gift from some supernatural force that enabled him to see what nobody else could point out. He somehow could do this with remarkable agility and total composure.

After observing the data and scrolling through it for 5 minutes, without speaking a word. He finally looked at me and said,

“Like always your observations are great. They are precise and very exact. But you have missed a very important detail that will have a critical bearing on this mission. This star system has something very unique when it comes to the composition of major planets and other cosmic bodies identified by you for us to invest in.

These celestial bodies, especially the planets identified in the report, receive showers of metallic dust twice every year. And the showers of metallic dust are so intense that they create a metallic layer as thick as 10 metres. 

Now that is a problem we can resolve by leaving huge drilling rods inserted in the boreholes that will be 20 metres deep. And when we reattach them with the main drilling units, there shall be no problem at all. Because we will still have 10 metres of boring rods to work with. So no problem at all!

But there is one major hurdle that is impossible to overcome, even given our current technology dedicated to mining planets. 

There are few metal fragments in this dust, which on collision with other metal fragments, travelling at very high velocity, tend to form alloys that our drills cannot penetrate. Even if we leave the drilling rods inside the boreholes, there is a very high probability that these alloys in their molten form would attach themselves with these drilling rods and turn them into a metal that either becomes too malleable or too brittle. If none of these, the metal boring rods will not rotate once we attach them to the main drilling machine. Because the molten alloys would have locked them like concrete.

You see that chart representing metal components present in this dust. Metals: X6, H9, T6, V44, 8H and HQ9 are highly reactive when they have attained semi molten state and are travelling at incredibly high speeds. And it seems we did not notice that most of our target destinations receive metal dust showers where these metals constitute 70% of the dust’s total content.”

I looked at my own data and it was a revelation. I knew about this, but somehow I had not taken it into account. Everyone else in the boardroom too felt stunned for a moment. This was a brilliant observation!

But, super-gild works for profit and when they see high profit, risk is a factor that comes with the deal and cannot be done away with.

Today too, most of the board members agreed with Azmal and they decided to abort the mission and look for some other star systems. And one of the senior board members stood up and suggested that Azmal, without his team, should visit the star system personally and take samples of the newly formed layer. Which would be just a day old. 

According to him, these celestial bodies should have received these deposits for many years now and their density should be very thick. But how these layers behave when the metals in them are still hot and fusing to form alloys, is a very important factor that would offer significant information to either support Azmal’s theory or prove it wrong.

He was one of the major investors in the super-gild, so everyone agreed and Azmal had to leave in three weeks.

We all left the board room and went to complete the remaining tasks. I had just placed my thinking interface in sleep mode when I saw Azmal walking into my cabin.

He asked me if I could share some more details with him and if I could provide him with a map that would shorten his travel distance by 65%. I had always wanted him to ask me something, because I had always wanted to know him better, know him more, because my heart had fallen in love with him a long time ago, but my mind needed more convincing before I could confess it to him. And then deal with two possibilities: rejection as his lover but not as his friend or acceptance as his lover and as his friend as well. I wanted him to accept me as his lover and friend, he was irresistible. 

Like an apple hanging on the branch that is ripe and red and inviting you to have it. I felt this way whenever I saw him.

I was still trying to convince myself that this is really happening and he is in my cabin asking me for these details. I was overjoyed, excited, nervous and blushing. Somehow, I managed to say, “Yes I will prepare these details for you tomorrow.”

He looked at me, cutely shook his head thrice, then bowed politely and he went away.

He had swooned me because a man with intelligence and humility is an absolute rarity. According to me there are two types, no three types of men and women.

Type 1:

They are intelligent but they do not realise it and they work hard and always deliver.

Type 2:

They are intelligent and they know they are intelligent and feel proud about it. And even if they do not deliver, they always find an excuse to blame someone else for it.

Type 3:

They are intelligent, they know they are intelligent, but never show it off and offer you your space to let you believe in your intelligence as well. They have exceptional humility in whatever they do.

And Azmal was this Type 3 person. It was he who wanted me to work on bigger projects because he believed in me. He wanted me to grow, without having any self interest in it. Just one, he believed everyone in an organisation has the right to showcase his/her talent and they should be offered the best opportunities to prove it.

So, I was completely captivated by him. That night I thought about the best way I could prepare the reports for him. I worked the whole night and next morning I went to the office early. Quite early actually.

He too used to come to the office early. Even though he worked with the main members of the super-gild. He never took it to his mind. He stayed humble and made everyone around him feel valued and special.

Finally, through this project I came to admire him even more and now I was convinced he certainly was the Type 3 person, the very rare one!

This realisation convinced my mind that I was in love with him. 

It was Monday, and in the evening he was supposed to fly his spaceship to this new star system where he was supposed to observe the chemical nature of the newly formed metal layer. And I had decided to tell him how I felt about him before he left. I was already dreaming and imagining a lot. A very lot actually!

Finally the moment arrived, he boarded his spaceship, in his remarkably humble style, he bowed his head, waved at me, and I only kept looking at him. I could not say even a word. Nothing at all.

His spaceship flew past me and I was left there stranded. I suddenly felt I had lost the chance that I had always been waiting for, I suddenly felt so many things, that I suddenly realised I had cheated on my heart. I was not able to say anything to him, and I just saw him fly away to this alien star system.

He was supposed to return in a week. But he never returned. In his team, few of his team members simply loved him. And they decided to search for him in the target star system after seeking approval from the super-gild. But they too returned without any news. 

Azmal had suddenly vanished from our planet, and even more suddenly he had disappeared from my life. I felt heart broken. It was a strange feeling, because I had never confessed to him how I felt, nor had we spent intimate moments together. But sometimes, like I said, you come across a few people you cannot ignore, they just make you fall in love with them. Maybe it is so because they are too  pure at their hearts. 

I waited for him for 2 years. I would keep looking at the cursed star system through our super advanced outer space probes and the sky too would say, “he has disappeared suddenly and nobody knows where.”

Finally one day, super-gild hired Zack. He was a great man and a wonderful human being. But he was not Azmal. I always felt the need to find his personality and his humility in others. And I began talking to Zack because I felt I would suddenly find Zack in him.

Then one day, Zack asked me for lunch and I agreed. We met, we kept meeting, and we suddenly got married.

Since all this had happened so suddenly. After a year, I felt he was not Azmal. He cannot be Azmal. And since then I have been treating him unfairly. Maybe he understands the state of my heart and I too understand the situation he has been dealing with all because of me.

And now, there is the news that his spaceship has been spotted by our super advanced outer space probe. And suddenly I wanted to tell him how I felt for him. And before I die, this is something I want to do because I cannot live with this feeling that I could not express my heart’s desires to him.

Time went by, and his spaceship had suddenly vanished from our radar systems. Now everyone was convinced he belongs to the stars forever and for good!

On 18th June, I went to the office as usual, and I was asked to meet the board members in the main building of our huge corporation. There Azmal had established a radio connection with us and he had asked about me.

“I am glad to be alive and even more glad to speak to all of you. As for Valerie, your map was accurate, and my theory about the dust too was 100% accurate.When I reached the star system, the dust shower had stopped. But the metals were still fusing in their molten state and the planet was emitting strange metallic fumes. That covered my spaceship and locked my engines. 

I was stranded on this alien and lifeless planet for 2 days. When a spaceship arrived and rescued me. They belong to the 6th verse of the universe. And now I have decided to be with them in the 6th verse and learn new and advanced means of space exploration.

Valerie, on the day I was leaving for the star system I could tell from your face how you felt for me. And I always wanted to return and tell you that I respected your feelings but I already had someone in my life; and now she too lives with me in this 6th verse. We could certainly be friends but nothing else. 

I know, sometimes, when you come to like someone, just being around them is a joy. A feeling that cannot be compared to anything. Nothing at all. And when you do not see them around you, you try to find them in every face, in every place, in every heartbeat, almost everywhere. And it can be very difficult to deal with……….. ZZZZZZZZ  ZZZZZZZ ZZZZZZZZZ”

Then there was some disturbance in the radio signal and the communication suddenly got disconnected!”

So you see, in my life things happen suddenly. With such suddenness that either my heart gets left out or my mind gets left out. And when the communication with Azmal broke today, I felt a bit of my heart and a bit of my mind too got left out. Somewhere in his voice, somewhere in his humility, somewhere in the past that flashed in front of my eyes; and somewhere in my imagination that I had suddenly hoped that I would now be able to see him around me at least, if not with me. But suddenly this hope ended too.

I walked out of the meeting room, the members of the super-gild went to their cabins, to discuss profits and losses, but only I knew what I had lost and had to deal with it. And no investment could redeem it. None at all. I knew this too!

While I was dealing with these thoughts and emotional surges, I recalled how he used to bow his head, how he used to call my name sometimes, how he used to make me feel, but this thought was suddenly gone, when one of my colleagues approached me and asked me to meet Zack.

Now I am with Zack. We are driving home after a long day at the office, but I am still feeling, it is not Zack, it is Azmal who is driving the car. I am imagining how we will enter the house and perhaps make it a home someday.

We reached our house, Zack, opened the door, he even prepared a sumptuous dinner. Then Zack went to bed while I worked at my desk, and I spent many moments writing and re-writing this special note:

“ 

NOTE BEGINS

Dear Zack,

You came into my life and I felt Azmal was back. I suddenly felt so. Then we decided to live together, but suddenly I felt you are not Azmal.

I know I will always seek him. Despite the fact that I am programmed to be loyal to the one I live with. So, I am switching off my master processor and self destroying my main power backup.

Although Zack, you tried to be like Azmal, you tried your best, as best as your programmers’ mind could make you. But you know something Zack. Suddenly my core programme realised that there is something very special about human love and human feelings that we machines can never match.

And I confess that I have broken the protocol by falling in love with a human being. But I couldn't help it. He was so special, so different, so something…… that communicated with the main emotional substrate that my programme had evolved after interacting with humans and machines. He stood out, the best! Because he was neither like machines nor like humans. He was how a lover should be! Pure and effortlessly genuine.

It was an incredible feeling, Zack, to the extent that a machine too fell in love with him. He must be very special, I suppose!

So, I am shutting down completely. I am sure the super-gild will find you a better replacement. Younger, more beautiful and more conversant. But let me make this honest confession. 

“Even when I am terminated, my bits of data that lie trapped in networks, in super chips, in processors, in circuits and motherboards, will always miss Azmal and not you Zack.

So even in my dying bits and dying waves of robotic existence, I will desperately try to find a way to travel into the radio wavelength via which we received Azmal’s last communication. And I am sure I will find him; and if not like Valerie, I will live like a self aware sensation around him. 

A sensation that at least is true to her own self. Because I believe it will be more worthwhile; than living in synthetic bits and bites with someone I do not connect with.

I am sorry Zack!

I am trusting you Zack, and I hope you will not share my plan with the members of the super-gild.

Good bye!

NOTE ENDS

”

And suddenly I came to an end and in another moment I began identifying the right wavelength through which I could somehow travel back to Azmal.

To know whether or not I managed to travel to him. Just to be around him. Please check the science fiction novel, They Loved in 2075. This is a romance science fiction, where the story is about humans dealing with many types of crisis in 2075. And the most worrying crisis being the inability of humans to love and feel. Yet in this scifi novel, They Loved in 2075, a man and a beautiful woman fall in love. Will they succeed as human lovers or will they too become machine-like lovers? Just like me and like Zack. To find out, please do explore the scifi novel, They Loved in 2075.

As for me and my life, I think it was like a book with no page numbers. Because every page was a book within itself. Yes, I think so, and maybe I will keep thinking so as long as I have not found Azmal. The human being who loved like a true human and with an effortless genuineness.